On Desire

(Adapted from Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach)

Desire is not an enemy. It is not bad. It is natural. The pull of desire is part of our survival equipment. It keeps us eating, having sex, going to work, and do what we do to thrive. It is the source of life’s energy, the energy that can lead to profound awakening. But, this same life energy can lead to suffering when it takes over our sense of who we are. It is not the “desire” itself, rather the way in which we relate to desire that can become the source of suffering. The mindful way of relating to desire is to notice without either getting possessed by it or resisting it. This is true for every level of desire from small preferences to the most compelling cravings. We are mindful of desire when we experience it with an embodied awareness, recognizing the sensations and thoughts of wanting as arising and passing phenomena. Not reacting rather responding to desire when we choose. Grasping on to what we desire and gives us pleasure is part of our conditioning. The “wanting mind” blinds us to our deeper longings and keeps us trapped in our cravings. Freedom begins when we pause and pay close attention to our experience. When we pause, become physically still and pay close attention to the nature of the desire, the feelings and sensations in the body, and the thoughts and feelings that arise, then we make room for mindful inquiry.

When we bring the myriad of our desires into the light of awareness, we will find beneath them our core longings. Pause and ask what does my heart long for? Our initial answer may be to be healthy, to lose weight, to make more money, to find a partner. Ask again and listen deeply. Accepting whatever arises. As we listen, our deepest longings will emerge. They may be expressed as longing for love, presence, peace, communion, harmony, beauty, truth, or freedom.

It is not easy, but we can open fully to the natural force of desire and remain free in its midst with pausing, paying close attention, and accepting what arises.