On Fear

Adapted from Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield , and others

Fear is hard-wired in our nervous system. Fear is a given. It is an evolutionary message for survival. It is not a mistake! If you go back and strip the layers from any fear, at the core you will reach the fear of non-existence—the impermanence of one's life—it is about the fragility of being and loss of our existence.

But this:
that one can contain
death, the whole of death, even before
life has begun, can hold it to one's heart
gently, and not refuse to go on living,
is inexpressible.

Elegy IV
Rilke

When we get fixated and reactive in the face of our fears we get locked in to the biochemistry of fight, flight, and freeze, which is incompatible with life and joy. Fears come and go, but fear becomes suffering when our identify and sense of self gets caught in it—when our mind is tangled in fear and our bodies tight with it, our world becomes small and contracted--—we forget the vastness of being. We forget love and kindness and beauty and relatedness.

Freedom from fear is not the absence of fear--it is when fear arises but does not take over the sense of who we are—that there is some remembering of something bigger—the recognition that fears are waves in an ocean—the awareness of the vastness of consciousness—a shift from the existence that is fear-driven to the awareness that fear comes and goes.

Be empty of worrying
Think of who created thought
Why do you stay in prison
When the door is so wide open
Move outside the tangle of fear thinking
Live in silence
Flow down and down
Into always widening
Rings of being.

-Rumi

Anger is Energy

[Adapted from: Lama Surya Das, Thich Nhat Hanh]

Anger is an emotion. It is energy. It is natural. Similar to fear, it has its own wisdom & intelligence as a part of our survival equipment with which we are born. Anger need not to be suppressed. We do not need to get rid of the energy that comes with strong emotions such as fear or anger. Rather, we need to look at our relationship to these emotions. When the energy of anger arises it could be a signal to turn the attention from the object (what is out there) to the subject (our self).

Anger is an energy that we need to hold with tenderness and compassion. The energy of anger comes from within not without. Each time there is the energy of anger we should call upon the energy of mindfulness, compassion, and loving-kindness. We bring the attention to the anger, make room for it, and take care of it. The sun shines on, circulates around, and penetrates the flower. The flower opens up to the energy of the sun. So, too, mindful compassion and loving-kindness do not merely circulate around the anger, they penetrate the anger and open it up to transformation.

Thich Nhat Hanh says when angry, simply bring your attention to mindful breathing, breathing in “I know I am angry,” breathing out “I am taking good care of my anger.” By doing this, you embrace your anger with the energy of mindfulness; this alone will transform the energy of anger. Neglecting anger is to leave a hungry and crying child unattended—it will cry louder.

The energy of anger has some danger if not cared for mindfully. It can ultimately turn to rage, hatred, or violence. With energy of anger lucidity can be lost. You call upon the energy of mindfulness and loving kindness to care for and transform anger.

Lama Surya Das identifies 5 steps to mindful anger management:

1. acknowledge/experience/feel it
2. allow the presence of anger
3. reflect/analyze/scrutinize/cradle it
4. recognize its impermanence, and
5. respond (not react).
   

Response to anger could be one or a combination of:

• letting go,

• responding constructively and or creatively, and

• calling upon the energy of loving-kindness and compassion.

“The true battlefield is the heart of men” Dostoevsky

On Desire

(Adapted from Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach)

Desire is not an enemy. It is not bad. It is natural. The pull of desire is part of our survival equipment. It keeps us eating, having sex, going to work, and do what we do to thrive. It is the source of life’s energy, the energy that can lead to profound awakening. But, this same life energy can lead to suffering when it takes over our sense of who we are. It is not the “desire” itself, rather the way in which we relate to desire that can become the source of suffering. The mindful way of relating to desire is to notice without either getting possessed by it or resisting it. This is true for every level of desire from small preferences to the most compelling cravings. We are mindful of desire when we experience it with an embodied awareness, recognizing the sensations and thoughts of wanting as arising and passing phenomena. Not reacting rather responding to desire when we choose. Grasping on to what we desire and gives us pleasure is part of our conditioning. The “wanting mind” blinds us to our deeper longings and keeps us trapped in our cravings. Freedom begins when we pause and pay close attention to our experience. When we pause, become physically still and pay close attention to the nature of the desire, the feelings and sensations in the body, and the thoughts and feelings that arise, then we make room for mindful inquiry.

When we bring the myriad of our desires into the light of awareness, we will find beneath them our core longings. Pause and ask what does my heart long for? Our initial answer may be to be healthy, to lose weight, to make more money, to find a partner. Ask again and listen deeply. Accepting whatever arises. As we listen, our deepest longings will emerge. They may be expressed as longing for love, presence, peace, communion, harmony, beauty, truth, or freedom.

It is not easy, but we can open fully to the natural force of desire and remain free in its midst with pausing, paying close attention, and accepting what arises.

Universality & Uniqueness of Human Experience

Experiences are unique and universal all at once. We all breathe, think, have emotions, feel anger, fear, love, hear sounds, experience physical and psychological pain. Yet each of these experiences in the moment is unique to that moment. No experience is repeated the exact same way, i.e. “you cannot put your toe in the same river twice”!

The universality of human experiences helps in the practice of mindfulness. It helps to detach from experiences as “I, me, my, mine” and increases the ability to become a mindful observer of one's own experiences. When focused on the breath as an anchor in meditation, experiment with viewing it as “a breath” rather than “my breath”. When attending to the sensations in the body, consider them “sensations in the body” not “sensations in my body”. When attending to thoughts or feelings, consider labeling them as “thoughts” or “worry thoughts” or “busy thoughts” or… in the area of feelings consider “this is anger” or “this is sadness” …instead of “I am angry” or “I am sad”…In the area of physical pain or discomfort consider “this is pain in the knee--this is what pain in the knee feels like…” in place of “this is my pain”.

The ability to disentangle and detach from identification with experiences is the essence of mindfulness and diminishes the human suffering.

Who are we?

"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "Universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security." -- Albert Einstein

Sources of Suffering

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

We all experience pain. Pain plus resistance equals suffering.

Our nervous system is naturally inclined to have us avoid unpleasant experiences and seek out pleasant experiences. To the extent this mechanism dictates our behavior; we are vulnerable to the suffering that result from craving the pleasant or the aversion to the unpleasant. This is different from “noticing” what is pleasant or unpleasant in the moment. It is the “attachment” to the outcome that keeps up the entrapment.

Living in the moment and living for the moment are fundamentally different experiences. The former alleviates suffering and the latter promotes it. When we can let go of our attachments or aversions, we can become liberated from this trap. Again, this does not mean that we will not optimize pleasant experiences in life or reduce the possibility of unpleasant experiences. To notice one's experience, no matter the nature of that experience, is to be mindful. To be controlled by the experience either by avoidance, grabbing, or greed, promotes suffering.

By "suffering", I don't necessarily mean great suffering, but even small amounts of dissatisfaction or irritation. These irritations can occur throughout the day, even below our conscious awareness, and yet have a profound impact on the quality of our life.

The antidote to suffering -- great and small -- is letting go and detachment—paying attention to what is, to bring self to here and now. The only real step is the one you are taking right now – the rest is illusion and product of the mind – past is an illusion and future is an illusion, both are in the mind and not real.